Sunday, May 15, 2016

A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem.

Posted on Instagram by another friend from work
This is not my normal type of post, but I feel compelled to write about suicide. A horrible event to all involved. There is no doubt that a person who decides to end their life is at a point where this seems like the only way out of the pain. But the people left behind in that wake of pain is deep. 

I have known several people in my life who have attempted suicide, and luckily they were unsuccessful. And today they live very happy lives. Suicide would have been a permanent solution to a temporary problem in their lives. One of these people is one of my closest friends. She is married to a wonderful man and has two teenage boys who would not be with us today if she had been successful all those years ago.

This winter there were several teen suicides locally where I live. Two were related to competitive grades at school. These two jumped in front of trains. A third was in the school where my oldest daughter attends and was due to bullying. It is so tragic to see young lives ended because they don't have the experience to know that today's pain is a moment in time and that if anything is for certain; life will continue to change. If only they had lived another day understand that.

Recently, a friend from work committed suicide. I was shocked. She was so full of curiosity for life; constantly pushing herself to explore and understand. But a car accident brought pain into her life, and ultimately she took her life. With a gun that should never had been sold to her. This is Kate pictured here a few months before she died.

Yesterday we found out that one of my husband's best friends has taken his life. In the last few years he had been through a rough divorce, but he made it through and it seemed as though he'd found peace with his ex-wife. He has three teenage sons he leaves behind who now have to figure out how to live life without their father. Somehow suicide later in life seems even more difficult to comprehend. My husband has known him since college. We've been with him before he met his wife, after he met his wife, during the births of his sons, after his marriage ended. He knew both how amazing life is and how painful it can be. And that if anything is for certain that tomorrow brings another day. Why he would choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem is hard to understand. The wake of pain he leaves to all that cared about him is deep. I always wonder if the person who commits suicide could just see how much they were loved if it would change their mind. And if that would encourage them to live another day.

16 comments:

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JoJo said...

I'm so sorry that you have lost so many friends to suicide. I struggle with it almost daily. I nearly lost the battle several times last year. The thing is, you don't see that others would miss you. I think that everyone would be better off w/o me, they could move on w/ their lives w/o being encumbered with my mental illness and anxiety. Wouldn't it be great if we could have an 'it's a wonderful life' moment where we are shown how different others' lives would be if we had never been born?

Patti Vanderbloemen said...

I am so sorry you and your family were affected by this - your blog title sums it up perfectly : A Temporary Solution. I believe everyone goes through bouts of depression at various stages of their life - albeit, some people dive deeper than others. It is so sad to think that there are so many people out there who struggle. Mental Health Care in this Country is still so taboo - and I do not know the reason for this. To me, both Physical and Mental Health go hand in hand - one without the other is almost useless. Peace to you and yours......

LisaS said...

Who in this world does not know someone troubled by suicide? I like JoJo's closing point -and it makes me think about how awful the world would be without the contributions of all those who have made the ultimate irreversible decision. It touches us all. Suicide along with mental illness are often topics people have difficulty talking about in a constructive way and that I am sorry for too.

AntiquityTravelers said...

Please know that this post is in no way a judgement, but a sadness for the people we lose

Liz E said...

You have taken on an incredibly difficult topic, and have done it with grace. It's a very important post, thank you for writing it.

BeadedTail said...

I'm sorry to hear that suicide has taken so many that you've known. It's sad that so many choose suicide to end pain from temporary problems but to them, the problems aren't temporary. By creating a dialogue about it, hopefully someone will ask for help or a loved one will notice something. I've not been personally affected by suicide so I can't imagine how it feels to lose someone but my heart goes out to you and your family and the family of your friends you've lost.

Natashalh said...

It's great the military recognizes the problem of suicide now and is much more proactive than it used to be. I see so many posters and awareness campaigns on base! As an earlier commenter noted, mental health is still, overall, treated as taboo in our country. Hopefully that continues to change/improve.

Duni said...

Cynthia, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Emotional pain can be excrutiating and all-consuming. During my time as a tutor I was able to spot suicidal tendencies in two teenagers - a boy and a girl. I spoke to their respective parents and thankfully they received therapy. Bullying at school is the #1 reason teenagers commit suicide over here.

Claudia Aguilar said...

I am sorry to hear about your loss. Mental problems are real and should not be ignored.

Miss Val's Creations said...

This is so tragic to hear. I am so sorry for your losses. I wish more people could reach out for help when they feel so low. My friends and I were talking about this yesterday in reference to young children who say they want to kill themselves. It baffles me that they can even think such a thing but it usually has to do with bullying. It is terribly sad.

windrock studio said...

My goodness, that's a lot of sadness and lives lost so close to you. No wonder this is a topic that is on your mind.

So sorry for the close friends to both you and your husband who saw no other way and I wish I knew some helpful things to add to this discussion but I'll just send you love.

Memories for Life said...

The second I read the title to your post, my eyes welled up. As you know, suicide is a subject that has touched my life very personally.
And in the last month, we have had a former coworker and a friend's son commit suicide!
Every time I hear about another life taken, my heart aches for those families left behind! I'm sorry you've had to deal with this so much recently as well!
Suicide always leaves more questions than answers, that's for sure!!
((hugs))

Annette said...

Depression that deep is difficult to understand both for the person experiencing it and those who love or know him. So much work needs to be done to make getting help for depression as ok as getting help for having the flu. And help for the family members is just as important to help them deal with a loved one's depression. It's all so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Christine Altmiller said...

Thinking of you and Dave during this confusing and sad time.
What a tough post to write.

Magic Love Crow said...

So, so sad!! I am so sorry for your losses. My friend, I have to tell you, I understand where these people are coming from! 2014 was one of my worst years! I hit rock bottom! I kept crying and crying! Meditating, talking. I know everyone thought I was losing it, and I was, but I am just so happy I kept crying and kept talking. If I had of closed myself right off, who knows?
It's so tragic! My sister-in-law's brother committed suicide last year. Let behind his wife and two young sons. He was only 45. I don't know if it's the world we live in today? I don't know what it is. We just have to keep talking and be there for one another! Big Hugs!

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